Can you call numb a feeling?
Can I go on without believing in anything?
They say “it can’t be good if it doesn’t make you sad”
I think it’s ludicrous, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’m
Swimming with my demons
And they comfort me
Misery loves company
They comfort me
Misery loves company
If I parade my misery
Spill my self-loathing selfishly
Will you be scared for me?
Oh, it doesn’t make a difference to me
I’m bruised and bloodied, guilty, shamed
I’ll let you rip my heart out like it’s a game
oh, it doesn’t make a difference to me
As long as it makes you dance
I tend to romanticize an afterlife only when I want to die
Must be the pressure of existence that makes me wary of a deeper dive
Into a blackness, a stagnace
Where you tie my limbs tight beneath the cold ground I’m sleeping under
When my time comes
Will I still be so fearful of what happens after it is done?
If I parade my misery
Spill my self-loathing selfishly
Will you be scared for me?
Oh, it doesn’t make a difference to me
I’m bruised and bloodied, guilty, shamed
I’ll let you rip my heart out like it’s a game
But it won’t make a difference to me
As long as it makes you dance
When my slow dance with death ends
And the maggots come to eat my limbs
What will be left of me then?
But a rotten mess of repressed insecurity
From everytime I had to feign stability
For the people who need me
Ain’t that the cost of loving?
So I’ll parade my misery
Become a walking mockery
Of what it means to be
“Happy” living in a “free world”, honey
I’ll dig myself a living grave
And stay in bed for three straight days
Oh, it doesn’t make a difference to me
As long as it makes you dance
credits
from in sickness and in hell,
released January 15, 2021
performed, tracked, and mixed by RB Roe
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